Did every child NOT clean a gas mask?

Let me preface this by saying that by all accounts, I had a really awesome childhood.

But, every time I speak with someone who was born and raised in Canada, I am reminded of how different my own experience was. When I mention the main colour of my childhood was beige, I’m not exaggerating. For some reason, most of the outfits you could buy behind the ol’ Iron Curtain seemed to be beige in colour.

I remember the excitement I felt when our exotic Canadian uncle sent us purple jackets.

I was all like “daaaamn son, I’ve got it made now!” I was almost blinded by the colour of capitalism.

Yet another reminder came a few months ago when we were all getting ready for a Halloween outing and one girl came by with a gas mask clipped to her belt, claiming to be a Russian Spy.

Everyone was amazed at the ludicrousness of such a realistic accessory. To me it just seemed like a fond childhood memory.

“Oh! That looks just like the ones we cleaned as kids during our exercises!” I squealed with the delight of a child who just spotted his/her favourite childhood snack.

Blank faces turned to me in horror.

“…Pardon?”

“Well, I mean we had to be ready, right? So we each had a gas mask – sometimes had to share one among a couple of us – and we cleaned them and made sure they still fit!”

I mean, I’m not suggesting everyone needs to clean a gas mask to have a happy childhood memory, but then what DID you people do in school?

Yet another thing that made me a tough kid, I think, were the regular camp games that we all participated in.

Sure, there was colouring and all of that safe stuff. But we also participated in something called the grenade toss. That’s right, give your kids what – I assume now in retrospect were inactive – grenades and we competed to see who can throw it farther. No biggie. This I thought was yet another childhood activity that everyone could relate to. Turns out, not so. Again, what DID you people toss if not a grenade?

I’m still grappling with my ability to relate to other children as they quote their experiences of day camps without grenade toss, colourful outfits and masks they wore for fun rather than as a prepper.