Grandma's Dating Advice

Every phone conversation with my 88-year-old grandma includes some sort of off-colour joke. Yet, one day, when I called her for her 88th birthday, she seemed strangely down.  Coming to terms with the fact that she's getting old, I simmered my usual cheerful tone.

"How are you, grandma?" I asked with sympathy in my voice.
"Oh...not too well," she responded quietly.

I held my breath, pondering how to carry on the conversation in a tasteful, calm manner of a good grand-daughter.  That was until my grandma continued, "...I drank and ate too much and the party just ended." 

She's back.

My dating advice guru was back in the game.  While, as a little girl, I always viewed my grandma as a serious, responsible type, she first shocked me into reality of her open mind some 4 years ago when I was on the phone with her.

I was living in France at the time, using my maturity and wisdom to guide young, innocent french children the way of the English language as a counselor. 

"So, how are the French guys over there?" she asked matter-of-factly.

"Well, there is one cute chef who works here, but he doesn't speak any English and I don't speak any French, so..."I mumbled innocently.

"Why do you need to talk at all?"

Since then, it was clear that grandma's advice is a solid piece to take with you wherever you go.  No more polite skating around the point.  This was why, when I told her once about the demise of my relationship, I secretly wished for a piece of gold nugget advice.

My friends, tried though they did, simply could not measure up to the level of blunt honesty that grandma could.  They said the usual lines, like "maybe it's just a break" or " it will happen when you're not looking for it" and "there are plenty of fish in the sea."

But grandma's take was what I was looking for - if only for entertainment value.

And there it was.

"So, how are things with that boyfriend of yours?"
"Oh, we broke up, grandma."
"Why is that? "
"Well...I guess he was too nice and I needed something with a bit of spice to it."
After a moment of silence, my grandma dispensed the sought advice.

"Well, why don't you keep the nice one at home and get your spice somewhere else?"

For those of you seeking alternative advice on life, I suggest you contact your nearest grandparent who would undoubtedly give some out.