At the beginning of August, there I was bright eyed and bushy tailed and filled with hope for the world. Amazon would soon shatter this hope.
I decided to voluntarily contact customer service.
I was calling on behalf of my mom and was inquiring about closing down my deceased dad’s account. I explained to them that though I have proper log in information, I cannot cancel the account as it always sends confirmation code to my dad’s cell phone, which has long been disconnected. Easy enough right? Amazon is a global company that surely has a system in place.
Phone call #1: Yes; no problem. We have a system in place. We will send an email to your dad’s email address, you simply click the link to confirm you want the account cancelled and it’s done.
I hang up, open the email and click the link. Guess what? They have sent a confirmation code to my dad’s cell phone.
Phone call #2: I explain the situation. This customer service rep is far ruder than the first. He gives me the run-around and requests last several purchases my dad made, the credit card info that was on the account and – get this – an item he saved but never purchased. I don’t even know that for myself, much less for someone else. I explain the impossibility of getting said information and he concludes: That’s your only chance. Fine. I hang up and call my mom so we start somehow gathering this information at least partially.
Phone call #3: Me and my mom call back. Explain situation. This person tells me Amazon doesn’t need anything from us and they will cancel it on their end no problem! Perfect. Confusing that everyone is operating under different beliefs, but fine. They then ask for my email address to which they will send a confirmation when my dad’s account is closed.
I say – and this is important – “Just to be clear, I do not want you to close my account that’s associated to my email address.”
She chuckles at the improbability of this mistake “of course not! We would never cancel your account.”
….
Two weeks go by and I receive an email from Amazon, asking for a copy of my dad’s death certificate. This seems intense for Amazon. Calm down. You’re an internet store.
I reply, saying I’m confused because last time we spoke with someone, she told us no further action is needed from us.
Couple minutes later, I receive a response.
“We have cancelled your account.”
You read that right, my account. Not my dad’s.
Call #4: Once again I explain the situation. But guess what, my account is nowhere to be found. Whoever closed my account deleted it from existence on the server. Puzzled, David W. tells me he’s never seen this before! Me neither, David W. Me neither. After an hour, he tells me he will escalate the issue and that yes, they will close my dad’s account.
“Someone will get back to you,” he lies through his teeth cheerfully.
Weeks go by with no communication from Amazon.
Call #5: I explain the situation. I tell the dude I’m frustrated.
“I care!” he fibs loudly.
Turns out, indeed, no one has attempted to cancel my dad’s account and yep, still, no one knows where my account went. He puts me on hold, but jk, actually just passes me onto someone else to whom once again I explain the situation. She can’t help on either front. Says my dad has to call.
….
Well, Rhonda. No. I explain the situation. And she says they can’t “just close someone’s account.” I counter with “Well, how the heck did whichever intern you got to delete my account do it without my knowledge?”
Rhonda doesn’t know. Me neither. Jeff Bezos doesn’t know.
Rhonda says I have to open a new account. But here’s the catch: I can’t because it says an account with that email already exists! But it doesn’t. But it does?
Fine, I start a new email address and create an account while Rhonda puts me on hold.
A new person with no knowledge of my situation picks up. (Where did Rhonda go?) I explain the situation.
She sympathizes and prays. Promises me a solution is on the way: they will cancel my dad’s account AND give me credit on my new account. “Hurray,” I thought prematurely and foolishly.
Today, folks. I try to make a purchase with my new account. It is blocked. Why? No one knows.
Call #6: Why is my account blocked? She doesn’t know. Will never know; hopes someone will get back to me tomorrow.
For the love of all that is good in the world, Amazon, I beg of you to get yourself together. Jeff – organize your people better.
